Sexual harrasment

Working in a male dominated environment, you have to be a bit of a ball breaker with sexual harassment etc. (Being a old sharpie chick helped). One of the printers at work was a young blonde bowie look alike and at one of the Christmas work functions, I was selling raffle tickets in amongst the printers, including some big Maoris, bikies, thugs etc and he comes up behind me while I am leaning on a table and makes humping motions. Without missing a beat, I said to him 'you know I'd root you, but I heard you were a shit root'. All the printers pissed themselves laughing and he went bright red, he wasn't expecting the old fat woman to get the better of him. He answered 'you have been talking to the wrong girls'. and I looked him in the eye, and his mate (that I knew was gay and hung around the steam rooms, but he didn't know I knew) and said 'No, it was the boys that told me'. The printers were still pissing themselves laughing into the new year about it. We are best buddies now and he treats me with complete respect.

One other bloke from the same period, male model looks (but dumb as dog shit) long blonde hair, tightjeans cowboy boots etc, another one of those 'no fat chicks allowed' type guys, made some kind of smart comment to me and I said to him,'Watch out at the next function, I am going to get you pissed and root you and then I am going to tell everyone whether or not you were any good'. He avoided me after that. One night I saw him at the pub at Friday night drinks and someone told me he wouldn't go near my table. He left work and a few years later I saw him at Kmart with one of his mates. When I got back to work I said to one of his mates in the smokers shed 'I saw blah blah up at Kmart today, he must have been with his boyfriend cos they were holding hands'.

So the point of these stupid stories is it amuses me to rattle them, or set them against each other. Even at work now, recently I was working in a dept. with 11 men, all university educated and older and I could have them bitching and fighting in two seconds flat, all I would do was single one of them out and be nice to him. Then the others would sook and say, 'why are you being nice to him, you are never nice to us' and I would say, 'cos I fucken hate you, ya soft cocks'. Then they would complain to my boss and I would dare them to dob me in to HR, 'Yeah, that would make you look like a big man wouldn't it, poor me, the only girl in the department.' It's boys against girls, and girls are winning!

The Monster Mash

There is a riot in my house tonight. I served mashed purple congo potatoes, which look like the purple mash in this shot. Claire refused to believe they were potatoes, thinks I was trying to poison her, Mark came out with carrots and silverside only on his plate. I said 'Where are your potatoes'. He said, 'I am not eating purple fucken potatoes'. Then said 'Did Claire eat them?' The two of them ganged up on me. Just cos they don't like my monster mash. Bastards.