Thursday, October 30, 2008

Unseen dangers

Last year on the final night of the school play, Claire asked if she could go to the "after, after party". Some of the year 11 boys were going to Williamstown beach for a party, to drink vodka and look at the stars and a few of the other kid were going too.

I couldn't make up my mind but in the end I sent her a text, "Honey, I know I am ruining your life but I am going to say no, the beach is dark and secluded - the murderers and the Kraken (the giant squid from Pirates of the Caribbean) will get you". Claire understands that I believe murderers, perverts and wierdos are around every corner with the werewolves, vampires and other Hammer Horror monsters.

In the end I said she could go for an hour and Mark was not impressed. He takes his job as overprotective Italian father very seriously and she takes her job of being a teenager just as seriously. Seeing I was letting her go against his wishes, he told me I had to pick her up, which meant I was going to miss my bedtime of 8.30 pm.

They were getting there around 1 am, it sounds late, but that is what time the after party at the school finished. By 1.20 am she was on the phone asking to be picked up. It was boring and cold and windy. I think she thought a party at the beach was like a beach party scene in an Elvis Clam Bake type movie.

Mark and I both went to pick her up. On the way home we passed a car of teenagers that had also been at the beach. It was parked on the side of the road and one of the very young kids was vomiting. He had thrown up over one of the girls in the back, so she was just in her bra and jeans. We stopped to check they were ok, gave the girl a blanket to keep her warm and waited till their designated driver was ready to leave.

What an exciting night.

Please sir, can I have some more?

A couple of years ago in the winter, the canteen at work started selling styrene bowls of homemade soup with half a bread roll on the morning tea trolley. I was having canned soup everyday for lunch so this was perfect.

At that time we were sitting in the sales office and the trolley man got used to me running out to see if there was soup that day. We then moved to the landing above the factory and on our first day up there, the trolley man came and found me and delivered my soup. I thanked him and made a huge fuss of him. My workmates sulked because they hate it when I get special treatment.

When summer came, the chef stopped making soup and I was disappointed. In January we got a new chef and when she came round on her plant tour, I told her how much I loved soup and she told me she could also eat soup everyday, so she agreed to put it on the menu again.

Since then, we have had two new chefs, but soup is still on the menu. I think the canteen assistants tell them we have to have it.

The man that brings the trolley is Indian and I found out his name - Govinda. As he walks up the stairs each day to put fresh milk in our fridge and my soup on my desk, the little bell that he carries tinkles and I hear it so I start shouting out "yay its Govinda, Govinda is here everybody".

The men I work with get cross because my lunch is hand delivered and they have to walk downstairs and choose theirs from the trolley. They say its discrimination. I tell them its because no one likes them.

In the bowels of the Federal Magistrates Court

Today I went to the Federal Magistrates Court in Melb to help (boss around) my little brother with an affidavit for a court case he has with the CSA as he hasn't got a solicitor.

My brother is 37, but looks younger, he has long hair, a bit of a scruffy goatee and he wears black T shirts and denim jeans. We went into the Post shop to get some envelopes, I told him which ones to get and he went up to the counter while I browsed around at the displays. While he was there, he politely asked the lady for 10 $1 coins in the change. She handed them to him but made a huge point of saying in a superior voice something to the effect of "we don't always have them, so consider yourself lucky this time and be aware of this next time". I felt like smashing her. Nasty bitch. I am sure if I had gone to the counter, she would have just handed them over. Mark says that is because I am scary.

Paul and I went on to do the rest of the things we needed to do and he said to me "its easier having you here, people are more helpful." Last time he went in, he was given the run around. I really believe he was judged on the way he looked. He is pretty shy, he doesn't say a lot but he is not rude or aggressive.

We had to get his affidavit witnessed and we went into the office for the resident Justice of the Peace. A lovely older man greeted us with a big cheery smile and welcomed us to sit down. I said to him "you are the nicest person we have come across today". We had a long chat about being of Irish descent and after spending time with him I felt uplifted and really positive.

He is a great grandfather of 10 children and he volunteers at the court half a day a couple of times a week. He has lived in Broadmeadows all his life, he moved there in 1956, the day of the Melbourne Olympics started.

After we left him, we went into the service area to use the photocopier, it was full of suited, well groomed secretarial types, efficiently going about their business. We started using the copier (20 cents a copy) and it jammed.

Luckily I was a secretary in another life, so with my huge bum up in the air, I opened up the bottom draw, removed the jam, fanned the paper, put the draw back in and re-set the copier.

When I stood up, my brother gestured behind me, our JP had followed us in to give me his business card and a funny Irish joke to read. I thanked him and gave him a big hug. What an amazing man buried away in that sad building.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Pointy elbows

Claire rang last night and said mum can you pick me up at 12.30. She was at a 17 year olds birthday party in Laverton. I agreed and when I hung up Mark snorted. What? I said, it wouldn't matter what time she wanted to be picked up you would complain.

He ignored me and went back to speaking to his cousin and they both played outraged Italian fathers together on the phone because Claire was at a party with alcohol and boys. I told them to shut up, what were they complaining about, I didn't even come home when I was 16.

The phone rings again and it is Claire, the plan has changed. Can I pick her up at 12 and drive Candy home too. Mark doesn't comment.

I get to the party and two beautiful composed young ladies come out of the house. Claire and Candy. Candy is an apprentice hairdresser and she already has the well groomed look that they quickly find.

I took the dog with me, he likes a trip in the car and it really pisses Claire off because he won't settle in the car and he digs his pointy elbows into her lap. I enjoy that because she used to dig pointy elbows into me when she climbed on me when she was little and got upset when I complained she was hurting me.

Shaggy ran to greet Claire as she came out the gate. "Ow, what's he doing here"? She complained. I felt smug.

When I got home I sent Claire to her room for being so naughty. Mark sent her for bed for having her school jumper on. What was she thinking? She isn't being a proper teenager.

I remember how it should to work. She is supposed to be seen into the car by a pack of drunken teenage boys yahooing as we drive off, then she is to slump against the window with her dress hitched up around her upper thighs, dry reaching. When we get home she is to fall out of the car so I can help her to the door after she has vomited on the naturestrip. Then I am to put her to bed, run to get a bucket and then complain when she gets UDL over the bed linen and then quickly strip the bed linen before the dog eats the vomit. Then run to get a face washer so I can help her wash the streaming mascara from her face.

Or she could do something more spectacular and catch the last train home drunk, fall asleep at Campberwell station, still be asleep when she is supposed to get off at Ringwood station to change to the Lilydale line. Get woken up by the train guards at Heathmont station explaining this is the last train and its terminating at Belgrave come and get in the gaurds van, get off the train instead, find a phone box. Call a cab, run out of money 1 km from home because you only have enough money to get home from Mooroolbark station, ask the cab driver to let you out because you have run out of money. Cab driver is a nice man and takes you all the way home.
Be disappointed for the rest of your life because you didn't get a ride in the guards van.

I feel cheated this morning.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Storyteller's Thumb

Mark and I went to the alternative festival at Clunes on the weekend. When I say it like that, it sounds like he was a willing party and wasn't dragged there, complaining the whole way.

But he is a clever man, my husband. We arrive at the festival and I was admiring the hippy/witchy clothes so he forced me to buy two lovely lace up T shirts and a Spanish style dress. That was in the first 5 minutes and I should have been suspicious. He then figured his duty was done and ran as fast as he could to the pub to meet the other husbands in the group we were spending the weekend with.

My friend Cheryl got her cards read and I sat in on the reading. There was a palm reader sitting behind me and I was finding it hard to concentrate because I just had to get my palm read. He reminded me of my friend Ralph (who boasts of having 22 heart attacks and 2 strokes, he is such a drama queen). If I tell Ralph he will say "ya fucken idiot, ya should have bought me a slab of beer, I used to be a palm reader".

I change seats, Moses reads my palm and I didn't like a thing he said.
  • I am not a stress junkie
  • I don't bluster my way through unfamiliar situations.
  • I do not solve other peoples problems or create problems to thrive on the drama.
  • I am not an over organiser (even if Cheryl butts in and tells him I count how many eggs we will need when we go camping)
  • I do not have fat fingers, that are all the same length because I have emotionally retarded their growth. They may be a bit sausage like, but that is so I can wear big chunky gold rings.
  • My rings are not a security blanket.
  • He did not need to point out that I restrained myself from using bullet points when I summarised his suggestions in my diary.
  • I do not think (all) my art is not good enough
He did say that I had a story tellers thumb. I will accept that.

To pay him back, I told him that my dad had a nickname Moey, short for Moses because when he opens his mouth the bull rushes. I paid him his money and told him I didn't like him one bit. I told him that again in the pub later that night when we bought him a beer and I forgot his name and called him Max.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Writing

I haven't been posting as I have been getting some of my older writings together and turning them into stories. A friend has recently self published and I have set myself a challenge to write 100 stories and then self publish in an Augusten Burroughs "Magical Thinking" kind of way.

Claire and I met Augusten Burroughs, author of "Running With Scissors" a couple of weeks ago. He was being interviewed at Melbourne Town Hall by Jennifer Byrne as part of The Melbourne Writers Festival. I have been a fan from the moment I started reading "Scissors" and I insisted Claire read it. I tricked her into reading it by telling her it was about teenagers and there were lots of sex scenes. She enjoyed it and then wrote a book report on it and did an oral presentation at school. The presentation went something like this....

Who wants to read a book about sex....
Who wants to read a book about gay sex....
Who wants to read a book about pedophiles....

The class all shouted out "Yeah" because she was using taboo words in an oral presentation. The school library had to order a copy in because all the kids wanted to read it. She also lent her book out, which is not really hers, it belongs to my friend Bruce.

In one of his books, he talks about not wanting to eat specialty flavoured chips in another country because he knew when he got back to the states, he wouldn't be able to get that flavour and he would crave it. I have that problem with some peanut brittle I got in WA once and fish amok the national dish of Cambodia.

After his interview, Claire and I queued to get our books signed and I took him a present of some Twisties so he could get addicted to an Aussie flavour. I told Claire she could be the spokesperson for us, but she got starstruck and tongue tied so I told him about her book report and then he posed for a photo with her. He took the book I was holding and asked my name as he signed it. He dedicated it to me, too bad the book belongs to Bruce. Its mine now!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Popularity

Claire was telling me that someone had written stuff on a whiteboard at school about her. Well, actually they changed something she had written about herself.

She had written
CLAIRE
IS
AWESOME

They wrote
CLAIRE IS FAT
IS NOT
AWESOME

It didn't bother her, she described the purpetrator as a "skinnywhitefacedanorexicsmoker".
I told her it was really exciting that she had grafitti written about her. It means she is popular, people know her. I used to be indignant, but secretly proud when I would see graffiti about me when I was a teenager.

Behind the door in the toilets at the Ferntree Gully Hotel was written in texta "Julie and Caryn are band moles"

The waiting room at Lilydale station had JULIE MAC IS A MOLE written in capital letters about two inches high in pen on the wall.

A bus seat at Mooroolbark station had JULIE MAC IS A MOLE carved into it. Isn't that fantastic, someone actually sat at a seat and carved my name in two inch letters.
I wonder how long it took them.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Compliment

Sometimes we are given a compliment that really sticks in the mind.

At my first Confest Easter 2007 I was camping with the belly dancers from Shepparton. When we got there, these women went about like soldiers, got the camp set up and were intimidatingly impressive, they are amazing, they make me look like a pussy cat. The subject of girl power came up and I said to them "you are not women, you are WARRIOR WOMEN". The name has stuck now.

I was talking to Marie, the matriach of the camp. That doesn't mean she is the oldest, she is just in charge. I said to her "Marie, if it was the end of the world and I had a choice, I would follow you". She said to me, "That is the most powerful compliment that I have ever been given. Thank you. Yes we would survive".

I have been putting up some of my train stories on a forum I regularly post on. Another regular poster that I have never met remarked "Ahhh the grand Carnival of life with all it's exibits and sideshows. JulieD I do believe that you could see the universe in a few grains of sand"

What a lovely compliment.

One more train story

I don't want to over do it with the train stories (although I do have a daily report on a forum I am a member of) but will just do a couple more and then change the subject. So far I am regularly observing five people, a couple I speak to, the others I just listen to.

Peace Angel - I am still stalking train man, but he hasn't been on the train for the last few mornings. One day last week I was in a quandry.

I was sitting at the station and I noticed this radiant young woman/girl. She looked like Kate Hudson in the movie Almost Famous, but prettier. She was dressed in faded green mens work overalls that were covered in white paint with the bib and brace hanging down. She had on a white long sleeved white T shirt with a greenie motif and a green peace sign around her neck.

She was like an angel amongst the dull commuters. I was torn between stalking her or getting in my usual carriage to see train man. In the end I got into the carriage that train man is usually in and the train left the station. He was not in the carriage! I looked into the next carriage and saw Peace Angel talking to another young woman.

I couldn't help myself, at the next station I quickly changed carriages and sat near them. As I sat down she gave me the most beautiful smile. I looked out the window and listened to bits and pieces of the conversation. She had a lovely down to earth manner about her and when she was getting off at her station, an older 'bag lady' type lady, hunched over with greying hair shuffled towards her. Peace angel gave her a radiant smile and moved to let her pass. Beautiful. I haven't seen her since.

Street Kid - A few weeks ago, a young street kid in a hoodie and a well dressed business woman got on the train together. They were chatting away and I could see he had a bit of a learning disability. I was wondering about their relationship, I wondered if she could be his carer or youth worker. But the more I listened, I realised they had only just met as she was asking him about his hobbies etc. When we got off to catch the connecting train, I noticed they went their separate ways.

Last night Clara (dog vomit car girl) got on at her station. She looks out for me now and chats to me non stop all the way home. She sometimes asks me really personal questions (I know serves myself right) and I am forced to answer her with the whole train listening, so I just mumble and give as little information as possible. For example I said I was visiting my parents on the other side of town next week. She said, I thought your mum lived near me. I said she does, they are separated. She said so did you grow up in my area and I said no, the other side of town.

So then she wanted to know all about why my dad got custody when they got divorced. Anyway, in the middle of this conversation we pull into a station and people get off and two seats are free. We sit down together and as soon as I sit down, a young man in a hoodie beside me starts showing me winter coats in a Rays Outdoors brochure.

I recognised him as the street kid talking to the business woman a couple of weeks ago. He is the kind of person that I can't decide whether to hug or run away from. We were talking about the coats and I suggested he look in the op shop for a warm coat, he wasn't keen on that idea, thought he would catch nits.

After I got off, he kept talking to Clara and she told me today that she normally wouldn't chat to someone like him (he is almost scary) but thought she would continue the conversation seeing I had been talking to him before I got off the train. Turns out he is an outpatient and is doing a traineeship in catering.

If I see him again, I am going to take him to the op shop near my station and buy him a coat.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The man I am stalking

One morning I got into the second carriage of my connecting train and was sitting near an elderly gentleman and a middle aged heavily accented man.

I was in earshot and I heard the older gentleman mention to his companion that his wife was adopted and that she had recently found her birth mother. Her birth mother didn't really want anything to do with her as she had another family that didn't know about her. He was sad for his wife because she was missing out on a relationship with her brothers and sisters.

As the journey continued I was struck by how lovely and positive the elderly gentleman was. He commented on the beautiful morning and he was drawing his fellow traveller's attention to various things outside the train. We got to one station and he commented on the interesting architecture of the three story Railway Hotel, mentioning that in the old days, people rented rooms there because it was so close to transport.

As we approached the next station, he commented that he liked that station as it had parklands on either side and then pointed out a pretty white Victorian lace work verandah cottage. Of course I looked too. The sun was shining onto this cottage making it glow. There was a small boy and girl sitting on the verandah watching the train. It was like a painting. It did cross my mind that it was strange that a little boy and girl were sitting there that early in the morning with no parents around and I wondered if they were phantoms. It was so perfect.

Next station, an elderly Chinese couple got off and he said "I wonder where that lovely Chinese couple work" he saw them every day and they got on way over the other side of town. He then discussed which stations he changed trains at on the journey to and from work. They then got off the station before me.

That was it, I was smitten. He is tall and holds himself erect, he still has all his hair, it is silvery white and well groomed. He wears a long beige trench coat with a tie belt and carries a backpack.

The next day I couldn't wait to get into his carriage. The train pulled up and I excitedly sat opposite him in an empty carriage. I was sitting up like an expectant meerkat, looking at him smiling. He glanced up from his book and then continued reading. I was devastated. Then I remembered, he didn't know we were best friends. So I quickly moved seats.

Each day now I sit within earshot of him and build my dossier.

More train friends

As we were pulling into the station where I change to my connecting train tonight, my next train was leaving from its platform and I had missed it. A young woman in her 30's complained about missing it (again). I told her the tip that my neighbour had given me about catching a different train and changing at another major station, which guarantees getting a seat all the way home.

She didn't sound too keen but I noticed she followed me to the platform. By the time we got there, she must have decided we were best friends and showed me every picture in her mobile phone, mostly of her German Shephard which had thrown up in her car last weekend. She was hoping to get home before it was dark because she needed to clean up the vomit before someone came to see the car on Saturday as it is for sale.

She stayed with me, chatting non stop until the train came and then sat opposite me as we headed to our next train change. There was a man in a day-glo work shirt also sitting in our little corner. She asks me where I work, what do I do and how big is the company. I told her around 600 people are employed Australia wide, she commented that was a lot of people. Then the day-glo shirt man joined in. He didn't think 600 was a lot of employees. I compared it to Toyota saying they probably had a lot more workers.

Turned out he worked for both Toyota and Holden in the past. Then my new friend brings out the car section from the newspaper and starts looking at new smaller cars, getting his opinion on them all. This is all being done very loudly and I can see all the people in the carriage pointedly ignoring us. Of course I am encouraging them and smiling and nodding the whole thime.

She tries to re-find the ad for Toyota and leafs through each page of the paper. Day-glo man tells her she has passed the ad already, she refuses to believe him and keeps flicking through saying if she gets to the end and it is not there, she will know she has missed it. He rolls his eyes as if to say "women". I told him to say "I told you so" if he was right. Eventually she goes back to the front of the paper and finds the ad. He smugly says "I told you so".

Before we know it, it is time to change trains and we leave our new friend Day-glo man. I spend the rest of the trip hearing about her day (day 35 out of 70 days work experience at a primary school) and wave goodbye when I get off at my station.

Friday night I am having dinner with an old boss. She also catches public transport but she isn't one to entertain strangers, so I can't wait to see if she has made any friends!

Out of all the strangers on the train.

One morning last week I was talking to an English woman on the train, we got in conversation as we both tried to get into a crowded train. It was over crowded because the previous train had been cancelled. For the homeward bound trip, she gave me a tip about changing platforms and getting a different train to the next main station if I missed my connecting train. Doing it this way guaranteed a seat on each train and meant I didn't have to stand on the platform for 20 minutes waiting for the next train. That night I missed my connecting train so I took her tip, I then ran into her again as she had also missed it and I thanked her for the tip.

Last night I saw her again and we got chatting. We mentioned our kids and I asked what school her son went to. It was the same school as Claire. I then mentioned she was involved in the school drama program. She said her son is going to be in the school play. I said I would tell Claire as she is also in the play.

I then asked her sons name and the penny dropped. I named my street and asked if she lived in that street. She looked a bit puzzled and said she did. I told her I lived in the town house in front of her. The kids have recently made friends and Claire had told me a little bit about him.

We are neighbours!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Catching the train

Driving to work I use a full tank of fuel each week and have always resented the cost. When petrol went up to $1.54 a litre I decided that I refuse to pay that price for petrol.

Luckily I have an alternative. I can catch the train to work and save around $60 a week. Save is probably the wrong word, I will have an extra $60 a week to spend on crap.

I googled the timetables and worked out that I could make it door to door and only have to leave home about 15 minutes earlier. I drive to the station and then its only a six minute walk to my desk.

I spent the first week getting my journey perfect. Lots of obsessive compulsive stuff - I walk to particular places on each platform so I can change trains and leave platforms efficiently. I make a travel mug of coffee before I leave home and drink it in between train changes. In my 'train bag' I have a glomesh coin purse, mobile phone, car keys, ticket, book and a new pair of diamonte spectacles.

I tried reading magazines last week and the book today, but I think I prefer daydreaming out the window. There is amazing grafitti/art along the train line and luckily at the times I travel there are seats available for most of my journey.

One of my workmates said "you will make lots of friends", he was being a smart arse. He loves to hear about the interesting people I meet.

So far I have had conversations with

1. a drunk who said he was in big trouble with his wife (I told him to go home and do the dishes),
2. a man that thinks Danni Minogue is too beautiful to have plastic surgery
3. a young woman in spectacular green pointy shoes that enjoyed todays sunrise at the beach
4. a woman in her late 30's that believes living in Altona is living in Paradise (I agree)
5. a woman that wanted to know what road Batman station was on (Gaffney Street)

Considering I have only caught the train for 6 working days, I am doing well and my workmate is impressed.

Friday, April 25, 2008

The New Manager

A couple of years ago I got a new manager. I have had about 36 managers in my time with the company, but this one was micro managing me. A bit like the two I worked with at PSA.
Everytime he slithered his chair up next to me and started questioning me on how I was going to approach a job, I would get flustered and he just didn't understand "Planet Julie Speak"

I was a bit rattled. One day I was in a meeting and he rang me and started nagging me for a spreadsheet. He is very good at nagging. In the end I flipped out. I don't have a short fuse, I have a faulty fuse. I shouted at him "ohforchristssake, do you nag your wife like this?"
Everyone in the meeting looked at me and then just went back to what they were doing. Most of them are used to me.

Well then the penny dropped. I started to treat him like a husband instead of a boss. He now leaves me to 'self manage' (even though I do have a supervisor that sits beside me) and we both know our place. But that doesn't stop him from trying to get the upperhand, so we have lots of great battles which usually end in me saying "you need me more than I need you".

Stuff on Claire's blog

I am not allowed access to Claire's myspace account. She said "Muuum, you can't have your mum as a friend". Stupid teenage myspace rules. I can get on her acting blog though. I better go ransack her room and find her diary...... Not really, as I say to her, "as if I am interested in stupid teenager shit". But that doesn't stop me from asking her what the latest gossip is.

Just to bask in her achievements, she got best actor in studio last term and has been moved to the master class. She likes it, but has commented that the adults can't 'play' a particular activity/game as well as the kids can. Welcome to adult life!

This is the opening line on her blog "Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one."-Stella Adler .

Her goals
Goals for my life:- Finish School with an awesome absolutely brilliantly great ENTER
Go on a Contiki tour in the Christmas Holidays after year 12
Get a scholarship to Stella Adler
Go to Stella Adler
Be Happy=)

Other snippets include
..would rather spend time seeing family than go out and drink at all hours of the morning with 'friends'.
..try hard in everything they do, no matter how stupid the subject or homework is.
..and how good is the cafe next to the ascot vale studio? we should give them a certificate. i like certificates. they make me feel smart. and so do highlighters. i sit there in class and highlight things in my book because it makes me feel smart, and LOOK smart

Mummy's angel.......

Snippet of work conversation

Chinese female workmate walking past with two others "I didn't recognise you, you look corporate today"
Male accountant overdue for retirement "have you got a job interview"
Me looking straight at my supervisor "yeah, I got it, you can stick your job up your arse"
They shake their heads, laugh and walk off.

Snipets of work conversation

Supervisor, Checking my database "You have done 20 requests already today"
Me, Surfing the net "What are you doing? Checking up on me you fucker?"
Supervisor, Defends himself "What's the record?"
Me, Still surfing the net "25 in a day"
Supervisor "Its only early, you might set a new record"
Me Turn my back and continues surfing the net
Workmates Laugh
PS New record set that day 26 requests processed

Friday, March 7, 2008

Sewing

We are off to the caravan this morning. Mark isn't coming, he has done something to his hip. I have made a new friend up at the van, she is into embroidery, so of course me being the 'single white female' I have decided to take up embroidery again.



Last night I got out my overlocker. I had this rainbow satin lining, its a riot of rainbow colours.


One of my wizard friends bought it to line his ritual cloak pictured below, but Laurene talked him out of using it, spoil sport, anyway I have used it to cover my cane banana lounge cushions. It looks amazing.




Sewing shits me, I got half of it sewn, then the material bunched up and the needle broke. I couldn't find the special screwdriver, so I used a knife, couldn't tighten it properly so the needle fell out. Then I forget to reset the tension after rethreading it. AAAAHHHHH



Now I remember why I never sew. 10 minutes sewing, 20 minutes rethreading.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Vagina Doctor

In 2006 Mark went in for day surgery to have some teeth out at Western Clinic in Sunshine. Jill, the head nurse took him through all the details and they quickly started fighting like an old married couple. They put him up on the operating table and strapped him to the heart monitor, ready to put him under.

The dentist, the nurse and the anesthetist all stood staring at the monitor in horror. Instead of the usual blips going above the line on the graph, because Mark has a faulty valve the blips were going below the line. They chose to abort the surgery and even though Mark hadn't had any pre-med, his fear of dentistry had quickly removed all sanity and no one could understand a word he was saying so they had to ring me and ask me to return to the hospital to pick him up.

They decided to send him to an oral surgeon in a larger hospital instead. He ended up being put under twice at the larger hospital, once to remove the teeth and again to stop the bleeding.

Time passes and they decide to put him under again at Western Day Clinic to finish the rest of the dentistry. Mark quickly resumes his love/hate relationship with Nurse Jill. After the surgery was complete I told Jill that we hoped to see her again and maybe we could bring in Mark for a vasectomy. She was very excited about the idea and gave us the name of a GP that preformed vasectomies at the clinic. Mark even though happy enough to have one, was not impressed with this conversation or being at the mercy of Jill.

In 2007, one of my friends meet up with a woman through RSVP. They hit it off and quickly became intimate. He is 37 and she is 42. After about the fourth date, she sends him an email, actually it was more a letter of demand, insisting he get a vasectomy and get circumcised. It caused a very heated debate and their relationship finished.

So that got me thinking, if Mark had a vasectomy and something happened to him, I would still be stuck with a problem. If something happened to me and Mark married a younger chicky babe, she might want kids. So I choose to make the decision for myself. Not to mention my IUD contraceptive device was long past its use by.

Sitting opposite my immediate male supervisor at work, I rang our friend Nurse Jill to ask her did she know of a gyno that operated at her clinic. We got into a long detailed discussion about what needed to be done, what bits needed to be removed etc and she said that they didn't do girly stuff at the clinic and gave a glowing report of a local Altona gyno. My male supervisor was sinking further and further down into his chair. Tracey the secretary was sitting adjacent and quickly picking up on how uncomfortable he was, engaged me a long detailed conversation after I hung up the phone.

I rang the GP to make an appointment and then Tracey and I laid the trap and waited for "The Boss" to come it. Boss arrives and I announce in a manipulative voice "Booooosssss, I won't be in tomorrow". He falls for the bait and says, "Why". I shout out as loud as I can "I have to go to the vagina doctor". He doesn't know where to look and Tracey and I laugh like the pair of witches we are.

As I had to have a couple of appointments, pre surgery visits to Williamstown hospital and blood tests, I got a lot of mileage out of telling people I wasn't going to be in and then waiting for them to ask me why. If Boss was in earshot, he would shout out, "No, don't do it, dont ask her where she is going". Which of course would make people more determined to know what was going on and the hilarity would continue.

One if his favourite female workmates came to visit and I quickly turned the conversation around the the vagina doctor. He started muttering "I can't imagine what would make someone become a gynecologist, it's not like they are even that pretty". His favourite workmate said with hands on hips and pelvis tilted forward, "well you haven't seen mine" and I said "you must be surfing the wrong porn sites". Both of us then laughed like the witches we are.

Then I told them the urban legend of the woman that had a gyno appointment. She quickly ducked home to freshen up before, she grabbed the femfresh, gave herself a quick spray and went to the doctor. While he was examining her said "you didn't need to go to all that trouble". She had no idea what he meant, until she got home and went to the loo. She had glitter all over her underwear. She had accidently picked up glitter hairspray instead of the femfresh.

When ever Boss asks where my supervisor is, I tell him lies. I say stuff like "he is in the cleaning cupboard bonking the secretary" or, "he is over with the sales manager applying for a new job". One morning my supervisor rings and asks me to tell Boss he is going to be late. "Boooossss" I say, "Supervisor is going to be late today". He quickly falls for it and asks where he is. "At the Vagina Doctors" I shout out as loud as I can and then infect the rest of the office with psycho laughter.

The day of the big operation arrives and at 7 am before I leave for the hospital I log into work from home to check for emails. A message box pops up from my boss with a message saying "dont forget the tinsel". I quickly replied, "Nice to see you are thinking of my vagina at 7 am in the morning!"

Its fun working with men.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Reiki - Makes the world a nicer place

How I found Reiki

In 2002 I was working in a job that didn’t interest me. I was quickly seduced into surfing the net all day, typing random things into Google and reading the results.

One day I typed in “the scariest thing I have ever seen”. The results bought back a website for a group called midnightsociety.com. The particular entry that captivated me was a place called The Organ House on Shades of Death Road in New Jersey. www.scrc173.com/sod_2004/SOD_midnightsociety.htm

That was it, I was hooked. Everyday, I followed links to sites with stories of creepy places, paranormal investigators and hauntings.

One day Kelly, a workmate mentioned some strange things that had been happening at her house. Now that I was a “paranormal expert”, I suggested that she take home the work digital camera and see what she could capture.

This was the most interesting photo that was taken and we realised we wanted more information.


I surfed the net, looking for paranormal enthusiasts in Melbourne. I found a yahoo site based in Ballarat and we quickly made some online friends, met up with them and formed our own group and had a couple of amateur ghost hunts. It went through a few incantations and suddenly I found myself in a completely different group that had professional aspirations.

As a group, we went away to stay at Montecristo Australia’s most haunted house

The inter-personal relationships made the trip fascinating. If you have seen the DVD of Stephen Kings “Rose Madder” you will get an idea of what it was like traveling with a group of almost strangers that weekend.

Two of the girls in the group, Karolina and Rachael were in their early twenties. At first I thought they were quiet, it was just that there were so many big personalities in the group, they were overshadowed.

They were pretending to be asleep on the bus so they didn’t have to engage in the chatter (that eventually turned into a huge bitch fight). That was until someone put on the soundtrack to South Park. When the “Uncle Fucker” song came on, suddenly, they became animated. They had miming, actions and voices to go with the song and it was hysterical.

After that I nicknamed them the “Uncle Fuckers”. One time the phone rang at home and Claire sang out “Mum, Karolina Uncle Fucker is on the phone”.

Later, they invited me away to a Reiki weekend but I was unable to go. A week later I went to visit them and was amazed at how beautiful they were. They were already beautiful girls, but something had transformed them and they were radiant. I had no idea what Reiki was, but whatever they had, I wanted it too.

Eventually we were able to organize a weekend and I went to Dorothea’s at Landsborough with Karolina.

Dorothea met us at the gate, she has the most amazing blue eyes and a beautiful energy – “and who do we have here” she said welcoming us to her property.



Passing the chapel on the way in



we settled ourselves at the cabin and relaxed, chatting to the other attendees until bedtime. One of the girls slept in the pyramid structure (not pictured) out the front and I had severe pyramid envy.

The next morning we had our introduction to Reiki in the beautiful Reiki room – everything just seemed to click and make perfect sense. Dorothea believes in providing Reiki treatments or classes with payment by donation, paying only what people can afford. She trusts that the universe will provide and it does. Every Reiki building on her property has been manifested by donations over a couple of decades.

In the afternoon we had our attunements, where symbols are placed in our aura to channel the universal energy.

After the class we went into the cave, a 40ft shipping container buried into the side of a hill to listen to a native American CD, it boomed and echoed through the cave.

That night we had dinner at the local pub and then did some star gazing until it was time to settle for the night.

The next morning we did some intuitive tai chi in the ying yang circle, it took me a little while to get into that.


We then returned to the Reiki room and after a summary of the previous day, we had our hands on practice at intuitive Reiki.


I went there with a lot of unrealistic expectations and two years later I can confidently say that every thing I wanted was met.

There are two things that Dorothea taught that stay with me.

. Love and Joy can conquer all negativity.

. The only three things that you need are Wisdom Love and Power.

Last year I met another Reiki channel and with light shining in her eyes she said, “It makes the world a nicer place”

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Rosemary Cottage

My "special doctor" insisted I start writing. He believes that the arts were created to manage stress and problems. He is a musician. I think he might be onto something.

He recommended a novel of auto fiction "Shadow Boxing" by Melbourne author and Melb Uni literature teacher Tony Birch. I read it and loved it. I looked Tony Birch up on the internet and found an interview with him. I was considering doing a short writing course with him.

Then I read this....

Ramona Koval: There are other things that I’ve read about creative writing that, say, a lot of the students (and these are probably Americans again) use it as a way of writing a diary or therapy or talking about particular relationships in their own sphere. I mean, that must be very turgid to have to read.

Tony Birch: You can avoid some of that because I tend to discourage it, and partly that’s why the topics I set…now, I can understand that that can become predominant in a creative writing class and you do get what I facetiously call the poems which are an ‘ode to my grandmother’, which I tell students to avoid bringing to class, although I admit to having written one for my own grandmother’s funeral.
(Copyright The World of Creative Writing Courses - Ramona Koval Sunday 07/08/2005)


A long time ago, I entered the following into the inaugural non-fiction writing competition for Community Aid Abroad in 1997. I received a certificate of merit, a box of computer disks and some movie tickets. I was very excited!


Unable to sleep, the man stood in front of a bookshelf that took up the entire wall in the hall. His wife lay quietly sleeping in the next room of the cottage that they had rented for the weekend. Tilting his head to the side to gain a better view, he assessed the comprehensive range of titles. One particular book caught his attention and as he removed it from the shelf, the overhead light reflected off the gilt edged pages with an unusual flash. As he turned the book over in his hands, admiring the texture and rich colour, he traced his finger over the gold stamping on the leather binding. Realising there was no title on the spine or cover of the book, he opened it with curiosity. The pages were blank.

* *
Twenty years ago, when my Grandfather Anthony developed heart problems, my Grandparents retired to “Rosemary Cottage” in a blink-and-you-will-miss-it town in the Central Spa Country. Mature pines and eucalypts tower over the tiny cottage and its neighbour, the Pine Cone Motel. Gradually they entered another stage of their life, making friends and keeping busy with the new found country spirit.

My Grandfather was a bookbinder by profession and due to his superior craftsmanship, our extended family library is complete with first editions and personal interest books that were bound by him for special occasions. One of his gifts was a present to his wife Marjorie, of a book in which she could write her life story. My family were not the only ones to benefit from his talents. A yearly task during his career was to transform personal copies of the white pages telephone directory for the office and home of the Prime Minister of Australia. They would be bound with leather, stamped with gold and then given gilt edged, indexed pages, until eventually they resembled an antique family bible.

After a few years in the country, my Grandmother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. The doctor told her she would die from old age rather from the disease, so we tried not to worry too much when we saw her shaking hands. My Grandfather’s health also deteriorated and we watched him slowly fade away.

My Grandmother stayed on her own, in her cottage, for a few more years until suddenly she announced she was booking herself into a nursing home. Carrying wood for the open fire and peeling potatoes was a bit much for her now and she deserved a nice rest. Expecting the worst, our family was delighted to find the newly built Hostel was light and airy. Treasured antiques from family homes were positioned throughout and the staff were like friends to the twenty residents. Surrounded by her favourite possessions and with almost every whim catered for, her energy could now be now conserved.

Although she has entered a more relaxed phase of her life, it was with a touch of sadness that she put the cottage on the market and shared most of its possessions amongst her family. The remainder were eventually sold with the cottage, to the owners of the Pine Cone Motel, who rent it out as a bed and breakfast. Its success is based on the country hospitality of Jill, the owner and the ambience generated by my Grandmothers gentle touch.


* *

So if you find yourself reading this, in a cottage on the edge of the Wombat State Forest, pick up a pen and add a chapter of your own into the elegant book with the blank pages.

The book didn’t become my Grandmother’s life story, but it does have a unique story of its own.

You are now part of that story.

Julieanne Mc
April 1997

It's Enid Blyton's fault

I was looking in the window of an op shop in Cumberland Road last week and saw a couple of hardback Enid Blyton books. One was a Secret Seven book and the other was one of the Adventure series. I devoured those books as a kid. We were always looking for mysteries and playing in secluded places that we had no business being in.

I had one of those Ah ha! moments. Maybe that explains why I do some of the things I do.

You think I would have grown out of it, but I still crave adventure......


During a late afternoon rainstorm, I drove into Ararat looking for the abandoned Aradale mental institution, I was meeting SpookSpotters, a team of paranormal investigators for an over night investigation.

I hadn’t bothered with directions, I smugly thought I would find it easily as most asylums are built on hills and loom menacingly over the nearby town. Quickly realizing I had no idea where it was, I rang Christine for directions and made my way up the hill towards the enormous building, through the massive grounds of 100-odd hectares, containing around 68 buildings and parked the car.


Seeing Tomkat, he directed me to the safe room, that had been set up using an incantation of psychic protection, in the large dining area attached to the old industrial kitchen. Everyone else was exploring or setting up the DVR camera system in the men’s wing.
One end of the cavernous safe room had tables, chairs and bench tops, the other had eight single beds set up dormitory style. I chose a bed, dumped my bags and headed towards a door at the end of the hall with the female toilet symbol on it.

In the alcove behind the door there were two doorways, one leading to a spiral staircase climbing to one of the Victorian towers and one to the bathroom. Every corner was full of dust and debris that had accumulated from broken windows and the wind rattling its way in.

I weaved my way around gaping holes in the rotten floorboards to the single cubicle. Lime and rust stains oozed down the inside of the toilet bowl like something had been slaughtered in it. Bursting, I quickly did what I had to do, before the creature that obviously lurked there attacked me and then went to wash my hands.
Turning the tap, rusty water flowed out like blood and the pipes groaned and vibrated, as the water started to run clear, I was about to put my hands under when there was a huge bang and air in the pipe burst from the tap and sprayed dirty water all over the walls. I tentatively reached over, turned off the tap and made my retreat to the lawn outside wiping my hands in the wet grass.

The team was making their way back so we ate our picnic dinner and then took torches to explore other areas of the grounds to decide the best areas to investigate. After exploring the forensic unit and the nurses’ quarters we made our way past the swimming pool with its shallow, seething black water and through the long grass to an isolated area that had an old house style building.

In this building I was surprised at the size of the rat droppings in the empty rooms and when we found the rotting corpse of a rat as big as a large cat, I understood these were not normal city rats. Standing in the kitchen with HLD I heard a screechy noise like a demented rat behind me and having already seen the insulation from the oven dragged out and made into an eagle sized rats nest, I turned round ready for a confrontation but was relieved to find it was HLD’s digital camera making the noise. After finding another rat corpse and admiring an antique desk in the otherwise empty rooms we made our way out into the rickety building next door.

It had a rotten verandah and was surrounded by cyclone safety fencing with a sign saying ‘Maintenance’. On entry, the sign did not fit the interior of the building. Although there was an area at the back where industrial cleaners had been stored, a toilet with an Aids sign hinted at another purpose. On the way back to the safe room we explored the high security female cells.

The team broke up into three groups. One team to investigate the women’s hospital, the men’s ward and the chapel, the other team monitored the DVR. My team had to investigate the female ward, the administration building and the high security female cells, the only area that gave me
the creeps and I couldn’t wait to go back!

During the vigil in the female ward, Catseyes and HLD communicated with two entities, a male sexual attacker and a female victim. The sense of menace experienced was explained on return to the safe room, where we noticed raised red welts over one side of HLD’S face and then later I found Ararat was closed in the 90’s due to sexual and physical abuse of the inmates.

The next vigil was in the administration building where most of the time was spent exploring the warren of rooms. After admiring the arched leadlight window and the antique sideboard with etched glass boasting Mental Health Australia, we set up in the reception area for a short uneventful period.

Next we went to the high security female cells. We chose to sit in the open area surrounded by the cells, rather than the common room with the peeling, molding wallpaper. Using the divining rods, Catseyes asked a few questions and the rods kept pointing to Chainz, the rods reacted in the affirmative to her question “do you like Chainz”. CE passed the rods to me, the main response to my questions was for them to turn right round and point at me or to Chainz. CE quickly realized that my buttons seemed to be the point of interest. Too soon we had to return to the safe room, taking the shiny buttons and pretty boy with us.

For the next four hours I watched the DVR cameras with Tomcat. Wrapping our selves in blankets against the cold, the time passed quickly. Suddenly, out of the corner of our eye, we both caught a strobe type flash through the narrow pane of glass in the door. Using the walkie-talkie, Tomcat checked the location of everyone and no one was nearby. Strange.

Around 5 am we all headed back to the safe room and one by one, fell asleep composing a symphony of snores.

By JulieD
Copyright - Spookspotters December 2007 Newsletter.

Sheba

I answered the phone at 6 am one morning before work.

Mum: (Shrieking) He's crashed my car and lost my dog.
Me: Fuck, where?
Mum: St Kilda. He always ends up there, I don't know why he goes there.
Me: How did he lose the dog?
Mum: He ran up the back of a car, he was pissed, started mouthing off and they rang the cops. The cops came and when they took him back to the station, Sheba went for a couple of the cops, so they just opened the doors and let her out.
Me: Mum, she's a street kid, she will be ok. I'll go and get her.

I threw on some clothes, checked the street directory and headed towards the Tullamarine Freeway in the Corona. The roads were quiet and the trip from Coburg took no time.

I was sure she would be ok. Mum had found the starving German Shepherd in the laneway behind the house in Reynard Street. Her teats were dragging from the last litter of puppies, fur was missing from her hindquarters and she looked like she had been gang raped by every dog in the area.

Mum took her to the vet to get her put down, but somehow, returned home with her. A current of understanding passed between us as she let the dog out of the car. For the rest of her life, Sheba was never any trouble, I think she was grateful and we would joke that she was a street kid that got lucky.

Pulling into the carpark of the police station, I saw a lane way behind the building. I got out of the car and started walking down the bluestones, in the distance I saw her. "Sheba" I yelled. She stopped, turned and on seeing me, she started running. I started jogging towards her with my arms out. The distance narrowed, then she jumped and stood on her hind legs, her paws on my shoulders and in our joy, we danced together in the laneway.

I rattled the keys and walked back to the car as she bounded beside me. As I opened the drivers door, a figure walked towards me. The cops had just released him. "I suppose you want a ride home" I said. Sheepishly, he answered "yes". Silently I drove back to Coburg. Mum was happy to see the dog.

Three years between posts

A few years ago I used a group on MSN as a blog. A friends spiteful ex used her login and posted intimate pictures of her. The naked pics were not the problem (she looked beautiful in them) it was the fact that her ex was lurking around, it made us feel contaminated.

I saved my work and deleted the site.

It's time to start writing again.....

I had fun re-reading the old posts as I posted them all tonight. So much has happened since then, it reminds me why writing is important.

Three people have been nagging me to write.

My childhood friend JJ, my 'special' doctor from Newport (that I don't need to see anymore because "there is nothing wrong with me" - much to the disbelief of my workmates!) and my workmate Leanne.

Past Life No. 52 - Sept 2005

I belong to a few different internet paranormal groups. Its interesting meeting different people and I have made some great friends.

I belong to one based in the US and a member gives past life readings. This is mine. Thank you to Sherry Owl. If I ever go to the USA I will follow it up.


Hello Julie,
I see Past Lives from the one before yours now.It makes it easier and more understandable for you and me.

In the life you had before the one you have now you were born male in 1863,at West Virginia.

You were American Indian,your tribe was close to the water. You lived near Harpers Ferry. Your people were Delaware. Your family had been moved there from the northeast. There were 2 children in your family,they were both boys. You were the youngest child.

Your family lived in birch bark houses ,they were oblong. Your people carried the family lines through the women. So everything material belonged to your mother. Once a week your family would go to the sweatlodge and be steamed to physically and spiritually cleanse themselves. You learned your traditions like all children by sitting at the edge of the Elders group when they were talking.

You married when you were 18, you knew the girl all of your life, she came from the same village. After you were married your people were moved to the midwest to Illinois. Your wife had 2 children, both girls. When your daughters were in their teen years your people were moved again to Missouri. Then when you were 43 your people were finally moved to Oklahoma. They became part of the Cherokee Nation at that time. You lived to get on the Dawes Roll, this Roll gave each enrollee land. Your family lived around Bartlesville,Oklahoma. Your name on the Dawes Roll is Elmer Carl Garvin. You were enrolled in 1902.

You lived until age(71)1934 at Bartlesville,Okla. You died of lung cancer caused from smoking.
You had 33 grandchildren and eventually 73 great grandchildren.

Blessings,
Sherry/Owl

I did check the Dawes Roll on the internet. Elmer was two in 1902! Seems a bit dodgy.

The List - No. 51 April-Aug 2005

I mentioned in No. 33 that I had been in touch with a boy/man out of my class from Year 10 at Croydon High School. When Mark, Claire and I went to Rainbow Beach Qld last year, we caught a bus to Gympie to meet Niall and his family.

Recently when Andrea (No. 50) was staying here, we went to visit the sister of a friend of ours that died when she was 19. Michelle died of encephalitis or some other nasty virus and left a three month old baby. Her sister Mandy now runs a craft shop in Mount Evelyn and she told us another girl we knew had passed away in February. I started thinking about the people we know from the Croydon area that have died and the list is quite disturbing.

I sent the list to Niall and he mentioned one or two that I had left off. He also said that he felt he had a place on the list, given that he had been clinically dead on more that one occasion. I said to him that I didn't want to jinx him.

Last month I received a very sad email from his brother to say that Niall had passed away.

Below is the list and it is written with respect. Some of the dates/ages are approximates.

RIP

Peter Kawolski 18 1976 - Car hit a tree in Mt Dandenong road.
Russell Hurst 19 1981 - Car accident
Micky Scanlon ? - Car accident
Debbie Price 19 Early 1980's - Rumoured to have died in childbirth
Paul Blaha - 24 1982 Motorbike accident, a freak wave on a beach road
Barry Tait - Late 20's Early 1980's- Murdered (run over) at the Bayswater Hotel
Michelle Warr 19 1982 - Encephalytis or menangitis
Simon Meijer 21 1986 - Hit a parked car on his motorbike
Sue Jackson - Heroin overdose
Lisa Simmons 24 1987 - Murdered by boyfriend
Shane Maskel 39 2002 - Died from complications after hurting his foot at his wife's funeral
Debbie Yole 42 2005 - A fall from the window of a city motel
Niall Stubbs 42 2005 - Suffocation during a seizure

Dates and ages are approximate.

More old friends no. 50

As you probably know, I am addicted to the internet. I don't get on as often now as Claire is always hogging it.

Last year I was playing around and managed to track down an old friend Jacques. We met when I was 13 and he was 16 and I went out with one of his friends for awhile when I was 15.

We were reminiscing and another mutual friend of ours, Andrea came up, so we decided to look for her also. I managed to find her through her sister on schoolfriends.com.au. Her sister is a few years younger, but remembered me as my dad had given her a blue budgie, which she named Julie when she was younger.

Jacques, Claire and I went up to Mooroopna to visit Andrea for a couple of days last school holidays. Even after 20 years, the three of us still have plenty in common and there is never a dull moment or a lull in the conversation.

We had a great time and decided to go visit another friend Caryn that lives in Chiltern (Near Albury)

We drove to Chiltern and were in the local op shop before I even had the car engine turned off. I rang Caryn to say we were here and she said she was in the supermarket across the street. I told her to meet us in the antique shop next to the supermarket.

Chiltern is a beautiful country town, it is like driving into the past.


We straggled one by one into the antique shop and had a look around. We went out the front and Caryn was talking to the owner.

He looked the four of us up and down and then said in a country Australian drawl "Why're you all dressed in blaaaack". I had a good look at all of us, and sure enough, we were dressed in black. I had a full length midnight velvet dress on, Jacques had black jeans and a jumper, and Andrea was also in black jeans and a jumper. Claire was wearing blue jeans and a black top.

I said, "Oh, we are too, its just a coincidence". He didn't look convinced and said "Caryn looks nice and bright in pink". Then he looks down at our feet and says, "are them old fashioned shoes". Andrea and I were both wearing really pointy boots, "I said no, they are new shoes, they are back in fashion". He put his foot beside Caryns and said "We wear farming shoes around here". Well, we were finished being insulted and went to Caryn's for lunch.

Caryn has lived there for 15 years now, and even though she wears pink and has the correct farming shoes, she still gives the locals plenty to talk about.

She said to us she would tell him next time that she saw him that we were witches and we were up there looking for real estate to establish a coven. He would probably believe it, Jacques has a shaved head with a silver goatee and Claire says I don't even need to try to look like a witch. Andrea and I have similar looks, except she is slimmer.

We had great fun for the rest of the week imitating the antique shop owner, but we had to use an American drawl, as its hard to imitate those words in Australian drawl.

NO. 49 March 2005

Once again I have received an email saying the group is going to be deleted due to inactivity.

Mark and I have been selling costume jewelry since January. We started off at Berwick market, then decided to give Geelong market a try. We have spent the last five or so weeks going to Geelong, but have decided to go back to Berwick.

Its great fun and we have met all sorts of people. As well as the market, we do party plan and also sell at the local massage parlour. The girls love it and spend lots of money. Its amazing being a fly on the wall. In fact, I was so at home there, they offered me a job on reception two nights a week, but Mark said no.

It would have been very funny if I worked on reception, especially all those times I bagged Claire's dads girlfriend when she worked at one, saying 'there is no such job'! I can just imagine telling Claire's grandmother my new part time career.

My mum was very proud and said she hoped I would take the job as she wanted to tell all her friends "My daughter works in a massage parlour!"

No. 48 Claire’s 13th sleepover 26/11/2004

Hi,

Claire turned 13 last weekend. I am now the mother of a teenager. Wow.

She celebrated with a slumber party with 5 girls. They were all very nice. Mark and I just stayed in our room and watched DVD's

It reminded me of Leonie P's 13th birthday slumber party.

I was there with a few girls from Croydon High School, Sherie R, Julie J, Suzanne G, Dianne G and the two Jane's. There was another bigger girl there that was a friend of Leonie's from Boronia High school.

Anyway, Leonies mum went out and left us unsupervised. The girls started drinking Brandivino and Russell H turned up with some other guys, Sherie and I walked to the Exeter Road milk bar to buy cigarettes and by the time we got home, all the girls were very drunk and crying. It was very ugly.

Sherie and I started mopping up the vomit, putting the girls to bed and wiping the mascara from teary faces. The bigger girl suddenly decided that she didn't like me and wanted to bash me. I was made to hide in Leonie's wardrobe until she passed out. Later when she woke, she was very subdued.

Leonies mum came home and wasn't too concerned, I guess the girls were all quiet by then.

Well, Claire's girls were supervised the whole time, they danced and sang karaoke and were just normal teenagers.

I even supervised the choice of DVD's that they watched! (although at our caravan, I have been known to be tricked by kids telling me that their parents let them play with matches)

The media talks about the youth of today, but its a lot different to the 70's.

Fathers Day - No. 47

I sent the following to my brother when he was in China.

Hi

Hopefully this will give you a laugh. I get the feeling you need it! On Fathers Day we went to Croydon. We hadn't planned to go, but we stayed at Julie and Max's in Ringwood the night before and Mark suggested we visit as a surprise. Anyway we went to Bev and Dads first. They were not home, so we went to Paul and Marylin's. After awhile Dad rang and Paul said "come over, Julie and Mark are here". Dad said, "I dont know Billy and Mark". Paul said its "Julie and Mark".

Dad said "I dont know Billy and Mark you bloody idiot, I am not coming over". Paul said "Julie, Mark and Claire", so Dad said ok but blamed Paul for confusing him. Anyway they arrive and Claire is watching a DVD and she has got the subtitles on. Bev came in and said, "what are you doing, why are the words on the screen". Claire said "we watch our DVD's with subtitles, then you dont miss anything". Bev said to Claire "you bloody idiot". Marilyn gave Paul a copy of Ned Kelly for fathers day, so we decided that we would all watch it as a family.

Claire was on the bean bag in front of the TV and dad had to walk all the way around the coffee table cos claire was in his way. He got mad at her and said "I am gonna kick that Claire" and threatened her with his foot. Then he laughs like a psycho, like its the best idea he has ever had and says again menacingly "Yeah, I might kick her". Marilyn just shakes her head and says, "you can feel the love in this family" We start to watch the DVD and we turn on the subtitles for the hearing impared. Bev grumbles a bit, and we start watching the movie. Anyway there is a scene in a bar and the subtitles say, sound of hands clapping.

Bev starts clapping, but it was subconscious and she didn't realise she was doing it. A bit later it says, dog barking in background. Bev goes Woof Woof. We all start laughing at her and she just pretended she meant to do it. It was like the TV was telling her to do these things.... Later on it the subtitle says "sound of man urinating loudly", so we all gang up on Bev and say, "make that noise Bev, make that noise". Later it was a horse neighing, so she happily did that.

any way, I hope it gave you a laugh.

Marked for Deletion No. 46

I was just deleting my old emails and found a notice saying msn was about to delete this group due to inactivity.

Woops.

Will post something substantial in the next few days.

On Sunday, Mark, Claire, Mum and I are going to get a family portrait done. They have been ringing for about a year and I kept putting it off.

I think I will get a black and white one done. It will be nice to have one of Claire while she is still a kid - Just before she hits thirteen!

Thin & Beautiful - No. 45

I am not sure why I have been so slack and not writing anything.

Cheryl from work joining the site today has prompted me into action, so thank you Cheryl. Have I ever profiled you? Might do you next week!

So, thin and beautiful - the family joined the local gym about four weeks ago. They rang doing a promotion and we had been talking about joining one since March, so we went for it.

At the moment The Kid and I do Yoga every Monday, (Mark came last night too!) and water aerobics every Tuesday. Eleanor has been staying on Tuesday nights so she is coming with us also.

Of course I have already picked up the gym wierdo, she is a teenager built like a grid iron player and suffers from ADHD, she has taken a bit of a shine to The Kid, Eleanor and I, she saves a space for us in the spa.

I am enjoying it, I find Yoga a bit boring, but will continue and I love water aerobics. They have given each of us a program with the gym equipment, but I haven't managed to do mine yet, I always seem to do something else.

I think I will try telling my 'funny story of the moment' for the next couple of newsletters - shortly I will type about "Boys on bikes". Will try and do it later this week.

Ouija Board No. 44

This email is copied from another paranormal site I belonged to, which was closed down unexpectedly.

Dated 28th January 2004 - A couple of weekends ago, I went to visit my parents, they live about 30 kms away and they work as volunteers for an opportunity shop for abandonded animals. Whenever they find a treasure from the shop for me, they just leave it sitting around waiting for me to find it when I visit.

I was sitting in their lounge room, (they are a bit like step-toe and son) when I looked across the room and noticed a colourful box that was printed with the words Psychic Circle, sitting on a side table.

I said OOOhhh, and pointed to it and my step-mother said "yes its for you". Anyway, I can only describe it is a modern "new age" oija board, but done up in such an arty way it is not as 'occultish' or scary.


On the weekend I went to a dinner party and I bought it out. The first attempt with only three of us did not gain any results.

After a little while some more guests left and the remaining guests joined in. We talked about the question we wanted to ask, and it turned out we were all interested in our career. Immediately the pointer started to move and head into an area of the board that answered the collective question.

It was very interesting as the pointer was turning as it moved, so many of us had to actually take our fingers off it to reposition them as it was moving. It was unlikely that any of us were pushing it as the sceptics in the group were watching carefully for whitened finger joints and obvious movement.

We used it for a while longer, many questions got no response, but some got responses that were within the context of the question.

We did write the questions and answers down at the time of the sitting, but the dinner party hostess accidently threw them out. I will try and remember the main three and record them to look up later.

We did ask for the Lotto numbers for the following Wednesday (tonight), we wrote down what it suggested (it was very garbled), so will see what happens.

Well obviously we didn't win Tattslotto. I have had the board out twice since then with no response.

And before you start giving me warnings about playing with Oija Boards, Claire and I watched The Exorcist last weekend!

A Letter - No. 43

I have mentioned in the past that I work at Weight Watchers on Thursday nights as "The Weigher".

I was telling a couple of friends at a party tonight about an email I sent recently to the Weight Watchers Newsletter when I had 'artistic differences' with one of their methods discussed in the newsletter.

One of my friends commented something to the effect of (and this is not word perfect) "It (the email) would be good, you can 'Feel' Julie's writing". I have had many positive comments on my writing, but I had never realised that particular point. FEEL. Wow! Have you noticed how many hits I have had on this site? The counter on the front page is now up to 269 hits.

I am amazed that many people are visiting the site. It doesn't necessarily mean that they read anything, but they find it in the world wide web! There is one blog (web diary) site I have found on the web where the lady gets on and writes about stuff happening in her life, I visit often and read what she is up to, so I suppose its the same.

Anyway for the email to W W.

Hello,

I read the News for Weighers article in February Meeting Matters with great interest and wanted to tell you about my experience.

I started off as a member last year in May, and on my first weigh in after joining, I could not understand why the weigher didn't talk. After a quick 'hello' my weight was recorded and handed to me. I thought to myself "is that it?" "Did I lose, did I gain?"

As I have an outgoing personality, I went away thinking 'what an unfriendly bunch'.

During my third meeting the Leader announced that the weigher was leaving and they needed someone to volunteer. Everyone squirmed in their seats. I decided that I was going to really commit myself to life long weight control, so I stayed behind and volunteered. In hindsight it was the best thing I could have done, as I know now, I would have given up after week 4 otherwise.

After about six weeks training (where basically we still said nothing to the members), our weigher (a girl in her mid twenties) left.

Once I was on my own, I started to do things how I would have liked it done for me.

After greeting the member, as soon as the member stepped on the scale, I would move the slider to the previous weeks weight and if it went 'clunk', I knew they had lost weight. I would look up and make eye contact and say, "well you have lost". Immediately, you would see the tension go out of their shoulders and their whole face would light up.

If it went the other way, I would say "hmm, looks like you have put on a tiny bit" and then say something like, "well the important thing is you are here, and I look forward to seeing your result next week". My Leader is very supportive and is ready to step in when called.

Now each week, its like greeting an old friend. I live in a fairly small suburb and often run into members in the supermarket etc. and when a member achieves a milestone, like 5 10 20 30 40 kgs or goal weight, I usually give them a big hug and often have to wipe tears away, as I am so excited for them.

Also, I try to make a special effort for the week 2 members, it is a big step for many to decide to come to weight watchers and I want to make it as positive as I can.

As for myself - well when i joined, I expected to lose 3 kgs the first week and then 1 kg a week after that. The reality is, it has taken me 10 months to lose 5 kgs. As a result of working for Weight Watchers, I have learnt to be very happy with that result.

I love working for Weight Watchers and hope to enjoy it for a long time to come.

NO. 42 ACHIEVEMENTS

Today I got a call from an old friend who lives in Tassie. I haven't spoken to her for awhile, but it is another one of those friendships, which I love, where it doesn't matter how long its been, but you just pick up the phone and start up where you left off. There is none of this "why haven't you rung" from either party.

My dad gave me a little book of poems recently, it was given to my grandmother Marjorie Attwood by Grandma Price in 1933. Its called "The Way of Friendship". Below is one of the poems.

Time keeps no measure when true friends are parted.
No record day by day :
The sands move not for those who, loyal-hearted,
Friendship's firm laws obey.

We spoke for around about an hour and a half, (Claire was timing it, although she does not know the caller) and during that time I was filled in on what the family had been up to.

It inspired me to add a new section to this site called Friends' Feats. I wanted to call it Accomplishments of Friends, (but MSN doesn't give me that much room for titles)

Many of my friends and their children are doing all kinds of things and I love to hear about them and I plan to add some of them to this new section.

If I manage to infringe any copyrights or breach any privacy acts, just send me a gentle email and I will remove it.

No. 41 John Edward

went to see John Edward at the Rod Laver Arena last night.

I hadn't really planned to go. My husband Mark asked me a couple of months ago if I wanted to go and I said no, as we are going to Queensland in 4 weeks and are 'supposed' to be saving. Also, I don't particulary like the Rod Laver Arena, or any large venues (as per my previously mentioned, selective agoraphobia). I have been there three times and the last time was to see Claire perform. I wasn't going to go to see Claire perform and she kinda understood, but my workmate Leanne M helped me work out my priorities, so I went.

Instead the plan was we would see Anderson Taylor Wood as I am a huge fan of Angry Anderson.

Well, during the middle of last week, something kept nagging at me that I should see John Edward, or I would be disappointed later. So I managed to juggle my already (always) over the limit credit card and get tickets yesterday morning.

I took Mark with me (under sufferance, both to Anderson Taylor Wood and John Edward) but we had a great time at both.

My husband is still a non believer, but he said that John Edward was a great entertainer.

I loved every aspect of it, and was sorry when it was over. Usually I get restless after about an hour and can't wait for things to finish.

One girl talked about one of his books, I think it was a novel and I think I need to read it. Will read it and report later.

No. 40 rock and roll

So following my big night out on the Thursday, I had made a booking to take my father and step-mother on the Friday night to see Lonnie Lee (he was the Australian equivalent of Elvis).

My favourite cafe, The Apricot Tree was putting on a show to celebrate 50 years since the release of Rock Around the Clock by Bill Haley. Normally I wouldn't have gone but I knew Bev and Dad would love it.

Bev and Dad had a great time and got up and danced, Bev didn't want to dance as she has a bad back, but I managed to temporarily cure it with Ouzo. I got drunk enough to have a dance too, I can't dance or rock n roll, I am too unco-ordinated.

I always knew Dad loved Rock, our loungeroom in the house at Croydon is a shrine to Elvis and he has thousands of vinyl records. He used to dance on Bandstand and had won a dancing contest in Rosebud many years ago with my mums cousin. (Mum wouldn't get up). Cos we had a few hours sitting and drinking wine he started telling me some stories.

He used to go to rock and roll dances 6 nights a week and his mates used to stand around, but Dad always danced. He said he went from 20 stone down to about 12 stone, just from dancing. He met my mother at a dance at Earl's Court in St Kilda.

He also went to see the movie Rock Around the Clock 14 times at different cinemas and was up dancing in the ailes with the other patrons.

I have a photo somewhere of him and his mates at a dance. I will get it scanned and post it up. They all look like James Dean.

Big Night Out No. 39 - Feb 2004

A couple of weeks ago, some of Mark's workmates asked him if we wanted to go see Anderson Taylor Wood at the Penthouse Hotel in Broadmeadows. I don't know how long its been since I saw a live band, yet there was a time when I went to see bands every weekend. Now, most times I am just happy to stay home. The world is just a noisy, scary place.

I used to love Rose Tattoo and there was another Melbourne band called La Femme, that we saw often.

I first saw Rose Tattoo in 1976 when I was 13 and I have some photos taken with Angry Anderson and other friends. In 1980, I saw him at the Pier Hotel in Frankston and I promised the next time I saw him I would give him copies.

Rose Tattoo were playing at a pub in Richmond not long ago and I was thinking seriously of going. Mark said no he wouldn't go, I could have gone with Keith but when the time came, I just couldn't go, it was too much effort, I had been stressed around that time and didn't want to leave the house (Sometimes I think I suffer from mild agoraphobia, I hate supermarkets, shopping centres, loud noises, crowds etc). We are going to Queensland in four weeks and we are going to the four theme parks and I am dreading it.

Anyway, Mark knew I would have liked to see Angry Anderson perform so he agreed to go, probably cos it was with his workmates.

It was a bit stressful getting it organised, babysitters till 1 am on a weeknight etc, what to wear but eventually we made it.

We went into the pokies lounge looking for Marks friends and it was like walking into a Chopper Read Impersonators Convention. There were all these men that looked like Chopper. I saw him at Sexpo selling his wine and I was suprised, he wasn't as big as I expected and I think Mark looks more like the picture I carry in my head of him as being larger than life.

Anyway, we just looked at each other and thought, "Oh no, what are we doing here."
We then went into the venue and found our seats and waited for the others to arrive.

It was great crowd watching, Theresa and I went up to the bar and I was standing beside this huge Hell's Angel, he was bigger than Mark. We had a bit of a chat about him figuring out which of the drinks on his tray was light, heavy and a shandy - I suggested he use straws to tell them apart, so he did.

The band started playing and it wasn't as loud as I expected and there were only about 70 people in the room, so I coped well, especially well considering I was sober as I was the designated driver.

After the performance, as he walked off stage, I gave Angry the photos, he didn't stop as he had just told another fan who wanted an autograph that he would be out later for signings. I wasn't bothered if I didn't get to chat, as the delivery of the photos was my goal and anything else was a bonus.

Marks workmates were pretty impressed with the photos and kept insisting that I stay and speak with him. It was getting very late and I was worrying about the babysitter as she is doing year 12 and had to go to school the next day.

Anyway, as we were leaving, there was a break in the queue and I asked him did he recognise anyone from the photos. We had a bit of a chat about them and I pulled out a copy of his biography from my bag and asked him to sign it. Mark was VERY embarassed when I asked Angry to write on it "Thanks for the headjob". He wrote it for me and I took it into work for show and tell the next day.

I got plenty of attention!

Interruptions no. 38 Feb 2004

I actually typed versions of the following on another MSN site I am a member of (we usually chat on Sunday nights) and an email, but thought I would share it here.

Last night, Kelly, Wendy and myself had only just got back from Lake Eppalock and as my husband had been working 2 x 12-14 hour shifts while we were away, the place was a mess.

My naughty doggy had tracked some brown stuff through the house that I suspect wasn't mud. I don't do my own house work, but I am an ENJO fanatic, so I got out my mop and fibres, but couldn't find the squirty water bottle. I searched the laundry, back porch and kitchen, getting more frustrated by the second, eventually I asked Mark and he points to it on the piano! Two of my bad temper trigger points are not being able to find something where I last left it, and appliances that break down.

There was a load of dishes on the sink, clothes that had been sitting in the washing machine that should have been hung out two days ago, rubbish sitting by the bin, dinner to be cooked etc. Plus the pool has got a hole in it! (Well, its not an applicance, but it is only new and should not have a hole already)

Meanwhile, my husband is sitting with his feet up on the coffee table watching the wrestling. Eventually we get it back under control, but then he reminds me that the application for a promotion he wants to apply for, is due in the next day. (Fingers crossed that he gets it!

So of course, the last thing I feel like doing us updating his 4 year out of date resume, and writing a letter of application. Why doesn't he do it himself you ask? Well, I have applied for a few jobs over the last four years (when I was searching for something that does not exist) and seemed to be very successful in getting interviews and securing good positions, so we wanted to follow that format, plus I can type much faster.

In the middle of all this, at round 11 pm Claire wakes up and vomits all over the bed. So I have try to get the vomity doonah into the bathroom without spilling the vomit on the floor (unsuccessfully) so the dog starts eating it. Vomit then blocks the bath plug hole and I have to scrape it out with my hands.
Anyway, she wasn't well enough to go to school today, so I have stayed home from work (now I am feeling anxious and guilty) and I am pottering around the house, trying to get it back into some kind of order - the house we rent is just a bit too small for us, but I dont want to spend the kind of money needed to move to something bigger.

We do have a garage connected to the kitchen that I would love to turn into a girly sitting/art room. But Marks boat is in it at the moment. We are talking about taking it to Williamstown boat shed, but Mark doesn't get many weekends off to get this organised.

Anyway, that is today's dramette. I must just be neurotic, everyone else I know seems to cope with this kind of stuff without a problem!

Christmas 03 Meltdown No. 36

It has taken me almost a week to recover from Christmas. I may have been a little less of the Grinch this year, but I still found it very stressful.

Well, the highlight of my working career was last week. Even better than keys on the filing cabinet and letter head paper at PSA! I have been doing work in our export shipping department, sending containers of plastic tubing (big reels of plastic on metal cores) to Gaoming in China. I received an email from a our Gaoming office saying "Chinese customs very angry, they want to punish us with cash and you must apologise". Apparently the 40ft shipping container weighed less than stated on the paperwork.

It caused a huge international incident and I was asked to write a letter of apology to the head person at Chinese customs. I replied that I wasn't senior enough, as my version of the letter would have been something along the lines of Velly solly, skippy the kangaroo bloke our weighing machine. (complete with stick figures of scales and kangaroo). Eventually we sent a nice grovelling letter and now we just have to get two more containers through customs that have the same problem (which now may or may not be fixed).

We had our Christmas party a couple of weeks ago, it was a dress up - Hero's and Villians. I went as a witch, complete with straw broom and ruby slippers.

I had fun and ran around all night catching up with people (there were over 800 people). Mark was working so I took a friend Maxine, she is a single mum and a bit of a battler and she had a good time too, even though I ran off on her all night and left her like a shag on a rock, you couldn't wipe the smile of her face.