The Darwin Cup

I know I say this all the time... but I really can't remember the stories I have told in the past. So, even if I have to repeat myself, I will, even if it means someone will catch me out in a McExaggeration/McBullshit.

My brother David is a cunning and successful business man.

A few years ago, he took up a partnership with another successful business family in a racehorse. In David's words he says 'Horse racing is the sport of kings, the feeling is amazing if your horse wins, but if it doesn't, you may as well stand at the end of a pier and throw your money into the sea.'

One year David's horse was racing at the Darwin Cup. On his way into the members' area, he had a spare pass. He saw a man in a suit getting his dosh out to go into the general area and David offered him a members pass. The punter was grateful and offered David payment. David, with his male supermodel good looks and dressed in his power suit said to the man, 'My horse (can't remember the name) is running in the cup. I want you to put those $$$ onto my horse for a win. When it wins and I am up on the podium for the owners speech, I would like to look down and see you waving a hand full of money'. The man kinda looked at David like he was a wanker, but of course, with the luck of the McIrish, David's horse won.

David gave his owner's speech in front of forty something thousand people and he looked down into the front row of the crowd before him to see his punter friend, waving a fist full of $50 and they gave each other a thumbs up.

Damaged 2002 AUIII Ford Falcon Forte Sedan

I love doing elaborate ebay listings - this is a current one.



When my daughter turned 18 her step-father gave her our family car, but being a spoilt brat, she never liked it, complained it was old and yucky and smelt of stale cigarette smoke. Ungrateful cow.

After working for a year, she got a loan to buy the car of her dreams, a little black Toyota Yaris and the car yard offered us $2,000 trade in on the family Falcon. We were happy enough with that, as we were too lazy to sell it privately.

The night before we are due to drop off the trade-in and take delivery of the Yaris, somehow she manages to pull out in front of a speeding truck which then wipes off the front of the car. Other than being shaken she was physically fine and we managed the teenage drama queen hysteria. After juggling finances, she was still able to pick up her new car the next day. Insurance wise, being an underage driver, the excess was almost as much as the trade in value so we chose not to go through insurance and are now stuck with the wreck.

Other than the high mileage and a whining diff that sounds like a dodgy wheel bearing (we just turn up the radio) it has been a solid, reliable car.
We got quotes for the diff, $1400 for new, $800 for changeover but didn't bother getting it fixed as it really wasn't a huge problem. It would need a new windscreen to pass a roadworthy and the tires are about five years old. It is also overdue for service, teenagers don't understand car maintenance versus buying new clothes and pretty things. And judging by the pictures the little piglet hasn't cleaned the inside for awhile.

We have cashed in the rego and it is drivable, but would probably be safer on a tandem trailer. As it didn't go through insurance, it isn't on the Repairable write off register so you can get it on the road without going through the 8 week wait to get the expensive government rip-off VIN inspection and the airbags tested.

All front panels would need to be replaced and to my un-expert female eye, the chassy thingy looks like it could be out of whack.

Please don't bid if you are overseas, a tyre kicker, or if you have had a few beers/bourbons and think it would be a good project, but then your wife finds out and wont let you have it. We have had enough car excitement for the moment and would love a simple, hassle free sale with genuine, happy bids.

PS If you are my panel beater brother in Mackay reading this, no you cant have it, I think you're still in trouble for buying the hot rod!

Another draft I found

1995 The year before I met Mark, Claire and I lived in a little green terrace dolls house. She may have been three, but she was a miniature dominatrix commanding the adults around her. One day we walked into her creche and Darryl one of the carers was wheeling the dress up rack. Claire said "Are we having dress ups today?" Daryl answered yes and Claire said in an accusing tone "is that on the plan?" in case he dare deviate from the program written in black and white.

One of her habits was to make her way down the long hall, with her blanky and Angel her strange soft doll, with a round flat vinyl face, in the middle of the night and crawl in my bed. Wanting her to learn to sleep in her own bed, I would carry her up the narrow Victorian hall carefully avoiding the antique lead light crystal cabinet as she wiggled, screamed and kicked my shins black and blue.

I can't remember where I was going with this story...

Note:
Let your kids sleep in your bed with you, because before you know it, they are 19 and hate you!