Pointy elbows

Claire rang last night and said mum can you pick me up at 12.30. She was at a 17 year olds birthday party in Laverton. I agreed and when I hung up Mark snorted. What? I said, it wouldn't matter what time she wanted to be picked up you would complain.

He ignored me and went back to speaking to his cousin and they both played outraged Italian fathers together on the phone because Claire was at a party with alcohol and boys. I told them to shut up, what were they complaining about, I didn't even come home when I was 16.

The phone rings again and it is Claire, the plan has changed. Can I pick her up at 12 and drive Candy home too. Mark doesn't comment.

I get to the party and two beautiful composed young ladies come out of the house. Claire and Candy. Candy is an apprentice hairdresser and she already has the well groomed look that they quickly find.

I took the dog with me, he likes a trip in the car and it really pisses Claire off because he won't settle in the car and he digs his pointy elbows into her lap. I enjoy that because she used to dig pointy elbows into me when she climbed on me when she was little and got upset when I complained she was hurting me.

Shaggy ran to greet Claire as she came out the gate. "Ow, what's he doing here"? She complained. I felt smug.

When I got home I sent Claire to her room for being so naughty. Mark sent her for bed for having her school jumper on. What was she thinking? She isn't being a proper teenager.

I remember how it should to work. She is supposed to be seen into the car by a pack of drunken teenage boys yahooing as we drive off, then she is to slump against the window with her dress hitched up around her upper thighs, dry reaching. When we get home she is to fall out of the car so I can help her to the door after she has vomited on the naturestrip. Then I am to put her to bed, run to get a bucket and then complain when she gets UDL over the bed linen and then quickly strip the bed linen before the dog eats the vomit. Then run to get a face washer so I can help her wash the streaming mascara from her face.

Or she could do something more spectacular and catch the last train home drunk, fall asleep at Campberwell station, still be asleep when she is supposed to get off at Ringwood station to change to the Lilydale line. Get woken up by the train guards at Heathmont station explaining this is the last train and its terminating at Belgrave come and get in the gaurds van, get off the train instead, find a phone box. Call a cab, run out of money 1 km from home because you only have enough money to get home from Mooroolbark station, ask the cab driver to let you out because you have run out of money. Cab driver is a nice man and takes you all the way home.
Be disappointed for the rest of your life because you didn't get a ride in the guards van.

I feel cheated this morning.