Message in a bottle

When we first moved to the beach, Claire and I often walked along the beach, sometimes I would take a pair of long tongs and a couple of garbage bags and pick up rubbish as we beach combed. One afternoon, I spotted a screw top peanut butter jar, a Kraft jar with a yellow plastic lid. The label had washed away to show a note inside the jar. I was so excited, finding a message in a bottle is like a never ending packet of Wagon Wheels, or summer school holidays that last forever. Imagining shipwrecked castaways in Tahiti, or a message from Gilligan's Island, I quickly unscrewed the lid, and with Claire beside me watching every move, we unfolded the message written in faded purple pen. So what did this mysterious message say? It said 'Be nice to your mother'. WTF? What kind of message is that? Who wrote it? Why did they throw it into the ocean? Bastards.