We were in bed and Mark kept coughing and me being a caring wife said 'Jesus can you fucken shut up'. He said 'you're a bitch you have been mean to me tonight', I said' bullshit you are imagining it'. He said 'you are trying to poison me with Turkish Delight (I evilly offered him a chocolate in a flavor he can't stand) and now I can't even cough. Take your dogs and go sleep in the spare room'. I said 'I will then', and then in a high pitched crazy animal lovers voice 'come on puppies mummy loves you the best.' and then pretended Shaggy the poodle was coughing and said 'Shaggy are you ok, you are coughing, here let Mummy pat your back' or something like that.
Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.
Now
if one of my friends or workmates was coughing, I would offer to make a lemon and honey drink and offer coughing sympathy. But Mark carries on as if I am
torturing him if I make him a lemon drink.
Mum
is just as bad, I remember she has a really nice boyfriend once, and he
got an attack of the sneezes, loud ferocious sneezes and she cracked
it and threw a box of tissues at him and said 'blow your nose and shut
up'. He was so upset. We should have been nurses.
