Bad daughter

After mum's adventures overseas, where she was missing, you would think that when she came back, I would be fussing all over her, grateful to have a second chance. Well yes, I am grateful for our second chance, but we went straight back to what we always do, ignoring each other. We like it. Same as I like ringing her on Mother's Day and saying 'Happy fucken Mother's Day' and then we race to see who can hang up first. And then laugh like maniacs to ourselves if we think we won.

The other night she was unwell, it is horrible being sick on your own and she was thinking the worst. Of course she doesn't ask for help, she could have a terminal illness and wouldn't tell us. Anyway she sent me and The King of the Poodle Mafia an email, giving us her death bed instructions on what to do with her dogs.

My response was something like this:

1. you are a drama queen 
2. when you die, your body wont be found for days and your dogs will eat you, we will have to call the ranger and have them put down because they will have the taste for human flesh and blood lust. They will be zombie dogs.
3. I will make you an appointment with Dr Wang and you can try some acupuncture.

My own kid will also follow in this proud family tradition. She is overseas and I know she is missing me a little bit, but as soon as she gets back, she will lock herself in her bedroom, ignore me (unless she has lost something, which is my fault) and grunt occasionally. If I am lucky I might get a hug without stiff arms.