"MUUUM!!!! There's a pigeon trapped in my bathroom, Shaggy chased it in there. I have locked the door, but I want it out because it is touching all my things. It's smashing my Britney Spears Perfume (and wearing my makeup and using my hairbrush). There was one in the kitchen too, but I got that out, but now there are feathers everywhere." She interrupts this verbal vomitus by shrieking at the dog 'Shaggy, Shaggy, stop it' because Shaggy is throwing himself at the bathroom door because there is a yummy play thing in there.
Everything I suggested to do, she said 'No, I have tried that'. So I suggested putting a doonah around her with just her eyes exposed (like a Ninja) walking slowly into the bathroom, standing in the bath (to open the window) and then when the window was open, duck down and hide under the doonah until the bird flew out.
No-o-o-o, she can't do that, apparently the bird has red laser eyes and razor blade feathers. And Shaggy and the bird have ruined her day, she is now 45 minutes behind schedule. Schedule? What schedule? She sleeps all day. My daughter, the vampire, only goes out at night. The kid has that special quality that runs in my family of blaming external influences for any problems.
I rang a friend at work and left a message for him to drop in on the way home, but Claire had deserted ship, with the bird still locked in the bathroom, so my friend couldn't get in the house. Poor Mr Birdy was stuck in the bathroom for about 4 hours until Mark came home and let it out. I got stuck with cleaning up the bird poo.
