IT’S A GIRL NO. 21

Sorry I’ve been a bit late, I just couldn’t get the flow going, the first couple of paragraphs I typed were very wooden, so I left them for a week and tried again, so I hope you wont be disappointed, this ones pretty juicy.

David and Kristy are back from their Honeymoon in Venuatu. They came over for dinner last night. The photos are fantastic, they went to an active volcanic island and have these amazing pictures of the mouth of the volcano with lights like fireworks coming out of it. They went into the mountains and unexpectedly met a local who invited them to his private waterfall. They sat under and in the waterfall and swam in the pond, just like Tarzan and Jane. With David and Kristy’s movie star looks, they really fit the role. I am suffering from a severe case of secret waterfall exploration envy.

Claire and I went to the caravan for Easter, we had a great time, Jacqui (with the better witches cackle than mine) and her daughter Maddy came as well for a couple of days. It was nice for Maddy, she made friends and took off doing dances and shows with other little girls. That’s what I love about the van, kids get to be kids, they can roam around and explore.

When we got to the caravan, I realised I had left my clothes bag at home on the bed. So all I had to wear was my long blue dress, in a way it didn’t matter cos I usually put on my blue pyjamas and wear them the whole time I am there, I actually have two pairs of blue pyjamas exactly the same, so I get to trick people at the caravan into thinking that I wear them and never wash them.

So I got to wear my dress night and day for the few days I was there. I had also forgotten my book, which would be a disaster normally, but luckily I had packed my scrapbooking stuff as I am doing an album for my mums 60th birthday, so that kept me busy

The new little McBaby is here. Marilyn had a baby girl on April 28 called Hannah Louise. Everyone is very excited. I think my dad will be happy he has a new grandchild to torture. He is very good at that sport.

When Claire used to stay with them when she was little, he would antagonise her till she would attack him physically, or till she did something evil, like tie knots in the bottom of the plastic fly strips in the doorway (you know those multicoloured ones - orange, brown, white yellow), so Bev (usually it was Bev, cos dad is always ordering her around) would nearlyget decapitated as she walked through the doorway. Claire did this when she was under two and she meant it.

When I would ring up to see how Claire was going, Dad would get to the phone first and he would start dobbing on her, "she hit me, she punched me in the stomach, I'm getting in first before she gets on the phone, she started it". Claire would get on the phone and plead, "Please come and pick me up Mummy" dad would be shouting out in the background, "you little liar, you big baby"

So, talking about Dad ordering Bev around. When I was still living at home, most mornings my dad would wake, put his foot in the small of Bev's back and kick her, saying "Get out of bed you bitch and make my breakfast". Bev would get up and make him a cuppa and some toast. He would shout out, I want toast, with ham or jam. Or I want a Chinese food jaffle (Aussie pretend Chinese food made out of Cabbage and mince, Kai si ming or whatever its called). Bev would then lie a threadbare towel over the bread crumbs on the breakfast bench and iron his shirt.

She would take it in to him and he would put it on saying, "where's my keys, where is my bank book etc". He would start rifling through the junk and papers scattered over every surface shouting out, "you made me late again you bitch, ring em, ring em and tell em". Then he would run out the door slapping her about the head for good measure as she saw him off.

One time, for some reason dad was getting death threats, I am not sure if it was something to do with his work as fault controller at Telecom, but anyway, he made Bev get out in her dressing gown (purple quilted with nylon ruffled front) and check under the car each day. We had crushed grey rock on our driveway, so she would have to kneel down and check that the car wassafe before he would get in it.

When you analyse all this, its pretty bad behaviour and as well as other personality disorders, I think they would categorise Dad as a 'Rage-aholic" but for some reason, I can see the funny side of it, maybe that's why I have trouble taking life seriously.

When my brother David was a teenager, he would lie in bed watching his black and white TV and he would shout out "Bev, Bev, come quick come quick". Bev would rush in and he would say, "Can you change the channel".
I will save the other stories for another edition.

Following is a copy of an email I received from a friend who has a very exciting life getting dates over the internet. I have a couple of friends who are doing that at the moment.

got home
mum cooked dinner dutifully ate it
got chatting with Marcus on lavalife
he invited me outsaid nokept chattinghe invited me out
said yes
had shower
got gorgeous
drove to North Rocks
drank lots of shiraz
drove to his house
talked shit with his two friends
drank lots of shiraz
f*cked - not good (both drunk)
sleptgot home 4:30am
This guy was filthy rich but she declined a second date. Especially after he tried to chat her up a second time over the internet, not realising it was her. She is now dating someone nice

This weeks profile
Name : Julie J
Met: In Grade 6 when her family moved from Altona to Mooroolbark. They were there for a few months then went to the UK for a visit to see their family.
Status : Living with Max and her son Nathan 16 from her first marriage
Lives: Max and Julie bought Max’s mothers house, Max’s mum lives in a granny flat out the back and has her art studio (sculpture and painting) in the garden.
Current Position : Not sure exactly – on the road for an insurance company
Pets: Might have a cat.
Little known fact: Renovated a mansion in Eaglehawk Bendigo that was being used as the council office and turned it into a successful bed and breakfast.
Claim to fame: Has been asked out by Garry Sweet, Andrew Gaze and Tom Selleck, Magnum PI during her days at the Ivy Nightclub (ex Madisons)Likes: Red Red Wine, renovating housesDislikes: Wankers
Quote: I want it now.


Congratulations – To Marilyn and Paul on the birth of their daughter.